I think I've finally gripped a peace of mind over all this James business.  You know, he's really been more to me than he'll ever realize.  He's helped me to know what love really is.  He's helped me to know who I really am.  He's helped me to find my music.  He's even helped me to know what some of my beliefs are, too.

I've recently realized that I sort of do believe in fate a little.  I believe in soul mates at least.  If two people are meant for each other they will find each other one day.  I think people have more than one, and not every one of them is "the one."  I mean that you may have a soul mate that marriage wouldn't necessarily be a good thing with.  See, I believe that soul mates are made before we're even born and thus, before we have been changed by life.  A person's soul may be a perfect match with yours, but things in your separate lives have put morals and ambitions in your hearts that could separate your heart from that soul mate’s.

Timing is everything, too.  That's basically where I was going with this.  That was all some random side note.  My brain does that to me sometimes. Anyways, timing is everything. I think it’s a good thing this all went down the way it did.  If we're supposed to be together at any point, it will happen.  We both have growing to do.  I've seen a side of him lately that is a little less amazing.  I think that it's either a phase or the person he's become.  I don't think that my James could ever become the way he's been, though.  I think it has to do with one of two things that I'm not going to mention, so I hope it's a phase.  If that person is the real James, then maybe it's best we stay good friends.

I think James may be one of those soul mates that just grew up differently than me.  I honestly don't think I could feel the way I do if we weren't soul mates, but we're SO different.  We enjoy a lot of the same things, but there are so many things I'm passionate about that he sometimes goes the other way on.  

I'm rambling again.  So, I think I may really be okay this time.  I think I can finally move on, staying friends and everything.  I really don't know what I'd do if we couldn't be friends.  He means so much more to me than just some "love interest".  I can't go through losing my best friend again.  Losing contact with Ty and Megan still kills me sometimes.  Maybe I just want him to be my best friend so I can stand a chance when he and his girlfriend finally break up.  I wonder about that sometimes, but I do care about him more than anything including myself.  That says something, right?  In fact, the very fact that I keep putting myself through the same thing over and over is saying something.  That I still want to talk to him all the time after what he's done with my heart....

It's amazing, really.  Even when I think about the heartbreak, I've gotten myself to the point where it doesn't even physically hurt anymore.  I really think I'm going to be okay.  You have no idea how happy that makes me!  I'm finally out of my little bottomless pit of self-pity and despair!  I can be happy again!  Yay!  I'm free!  Seriously.... I kinda feel like I'm free-falling right now.  I kinda want to go play that song now.... I think I will.... Goodnight world!  Well, I hope you're already asleep.  Guitar time!  Tootles!